Donna Lee Cottingham Fish
February 1, 1937 - October 29, 2020
Born on February 1, 1937 in Portland, Oregon, in the midst of a severe snowstorm, Donna Lee joined her parents and three older brothers and soon moved to the Ballard neighborhood in Seattle. She grew up adoring her brothers and learning how to (literally) twist them around her little finger! She met Jerry Dan Fish and had a first date with him in their sophomore year at Ballard High School. They didn’t have their second date until the senior prom, but that was it. Jerry wrote daily letters to her that summer while she worked as a Brownie camp counselor, with the camp name “Chickadee”, at Girl Scout Camp Tarywood. They started at the University of Washington in the fall of 1955, and they each married their best friend on August 30, 1957, at twenty years of age. Education was vitally important to Donna. She had earned a full-ride scholarship in Home Economics, but gender discrimination cost her that scholarship when their first child was born. Three years stationed in the South during Jerry’s active duty in the Army left Donna with a profound disgust at the racial discrimination she witnessed there in the early 60’s. She returned to the UW to complete her Bachelor’s degree in 1972, after all three daughters were in school.
Donna volunteered as a Girl Scout leader for 18 years, impacting many, many girls as they became young women, providing them with a role model in service, skit, and song. Indelible memories were made on bicycle (Victoria) and camping trips, the Challenge of Emergency Preparedness, chasing down a car thief near the Seattle Center in full uniform, taking soaking wet campers (unbeknownst) to a cathouse in Port Angeles (remember Aggie’s?), as were deep, deep friendships.
When she began teaching Home Economics at Lynnwood High School in the Edmonds School District, she was one of the only Home Ec teachers who was actually raising children, and she brought her lived experience to her Child Development and Family Living classes. She made sure that all of her required continuing education credits moved her closer to another degree, and she earned Masters degrees in Education and in Social Work. In 1976, while taking a course entitled ‘Sexism in Education,’ she recognized and named the wrongs she had perceived forever. She brought feminism home to the dinner table. Advocacy was a calling for her, and a core value instilled in her daughters.
As a young child, Donna would sing “God Bless America” on a weekly Saturday morning radio broadcast from the Smith Tower in downtown Seattle. She was baptized at age 10, and became a member of Phinney Ridge Lutheran Church during high school. Her faith sustained her throughout her life. After returning to Seattle with her growing family, she and Jerry joined First Lutheran Church of Richmond Beach, in what is now Shoreline. She taught adult education classes, served on church council, and was active there for many years, instigating great and holy silliness at times, deep discussions at other times. The pastors and group of friends they made there remained important to her even when they no longer attended that church. She wrote her Credo statement of faith during a church retreat through First Lutheran Church of Richmond Beach, led by Pastor Ray Lester. More than three decades later, it remains a beautiful expression of her relationship to her Maker.
Donna’s creativity flowed and overflowed. She made beautiful batik and appliqued liturgical banners. She sewed clothes for herself and her daughters (as well as every one of their bridesmaid dresses), developed and printed photographs in her darkroom, quilted wall hangings, spun wool and knitted, fashioned useful and lovely reed baskets, hand-painted tiles, wood-working gifts, propagated plants for her container gardens, and wrote pointed parodies of popular and folk songs as called forth by different occasions. Donna created hospitality wherever she found herself. She lived the Girl Scout Promises and Law, not in a legalistic way, but by embodying the best of those values, and calling them forth in others.
Early family experiences tent camping in the forests of the Pacific Northwest shaped her love of the outdoors, an appreciation she passed on to the next generation. Cooking over a Coleman stove or in hot coals, teaching survival skills to the young, singing rounds around the campfire, visiting state and national parks – these are foundational memories she created for many. Squirt-gun fights, clever pranks, and belly-deep laughter are a legacy of her good humor. Jerry says, “We sure did have a lot of fun!”
In 1984 Donna and Jerry purchased a small cabin at Lake Cavanaugh and for the next twenty-five years they spent every summer, many weekends, and several winters there. At the cabin, she relaxed. After tripling its size, it also provided the ideal place to recover from various surgeries. Fourth of July always saw them on the deck, dock, and beach; good friends, grandchildren, and students from her Teen Parenting Program at Scriber Lake High School enjoyed the beauty of that place and the hospitality of their hearts. Rich friendships with neighbors (Chapmans, Lagerstroms, Ivesters) were a gift.
Donna adored her grandchildren. She knitted and sewed for them, provided childcare often, supported their lessons, and opened her home and heart to them, withholding nothing.
In 2001 Donna and Jerry made a grand trip around the country by travel trailer, with her best friend and her eldest grandchild, staying at military campgrounds wherever possible. Their visit to Washington, D.C., was a highlight of that trip; she strongly recommends the tour of the White House be made with a friend in a wheelchair – “Best access ever!”
In her later years, Donna’s circle of contacts narrowed as pain and increasing dementia limited her ability to connect outside of the home. Rachel Maddow and Lawrence O’Donnell were her daily visitors. She cared deeply about this nation and insisted that it was a citizen’s patriotic civic duty to remain engaged and to work for the end of all forms of oppression and exploitation.
Covid-19 put an end to most physical contact with anyone but Jerry, but her daughters will not forget those last visits in the sunshine on their deck. Beyond her confusion, she exuded love and gratitude, and still remembered the words to her favorite hymns and camp songs.
Without Jerry’s constant support, Donna would not have been able to remain as independent as she did for as long as she did. He enabled her to continue to do craft projects and to cook, greatly enriching her last years. Eventually he was her 24/7 caregiver, bringing her lattés and bagels in bed, preparing nutritious meals in Bento boxes, and providing all of her personal care.
Dementia is the thief of grief, stretching out the goodbye over years.
On Thursday, October 29, 2020, Donna didn’t respond when Jerry first got up, but that wasn’t unusual. He went about caring for their four-legged daughters, Standard Poodles Carrie and Olivia, going through his regular morning routine. An hour later he brought breakfast back to her, and when Donna still didn’t respond, he discovered that she had died peacefully in her sleep. Jerry extends his heartfelt thanks to the caring first responders of the Edmonds Fire and Police Departments, for accompanying him on this most heartbreaking leg of their marriage. A simple bedside service of prayer, scripture, and song blessed Donna one last time before the women from A Sacred Moment’s transport team took her for her final drive. They asked about her favorite music and said that they would play some John Denver and Neil Diamond in the van that night. (Mom would have loved that it was two young women who took her body, and that A Sacred Moment is a female-owned funeral service provider!) According to her wishes, her remains have been cremated, and the “Watermelon Song” sung.
Donna was preceded in death by her parents (Helen and Edward Cottingham), brothers (Rod, Ken, and Wayne Cottingham), sisters-in-law (Dolores Cottingham, Mary Cottingham), niece Cheri Burlin, and dear friends (Jean “Beav” Buxton, Mary Baxter, Gretchen Reed). She is survived by her loving and beloved husband of 63 years, Jerry D. Fish (family home in Edmonds); daughters Connie J.F. Garvie, R.N. (Everett), Rev. Heidi L. Fish and Dave Dettman (Anacortes), Jennifer A. [Fish] Bland (Issaquah); grandchildren Saoirse Cavanaugh [nee Daniel Garvie] (Seattle), Erin Jones and David Jones (Mountlake Terrace), Tim Garvie and Danielle (Marysville), Jennifer L. and Keegan Wulf (Lacey), Bernhard F. “Buzzy” Bland (Issaquah), Alaina D. Bland (Issaquah); brother- and sister-in-law Tom and Marilyn Fish (Bainbridge Island), sister-in-law Marilyn Cottingham (Shoreline) two great-grandchildren, numerous nieces, nephews, students, neighbors and friends.
FUNERAL INFORMATION
The family invites you to a memorial celebration to be held on Saturday, October 29, 2022, 11:00 a.m. at Bethesda Lutheran Church 23406 - 56th Ave. W., Mountlake Terrace, WA
Time: Oct 29, 2022 10:30 AM Pacific Time (US and Canada)
Meeting ID: 880 1558 0902
Passcode: 922801
The Zoom meeting will open at about 10:30 a.m. Prelude music will begin around 10:45 a.m. The service itself will begin at 11:00 a.m. and run until about 12:15 p.m. The Zoom will stay open for about 15-30 minutes following the end of the service. You are invited to share memories through the website of A Sacred Moment. Cards may be sent to Jerry and his family c/o Bethesda Lutheran Church at 23406 - 56th Ave. W., Mountlake Terrace, WA 98043, or at the family home in Edmonds.
DONATIONS
If desired, the family suggests gifts be made in Donna’s memory to Planned Parenthood (designated for teen-aged pregnancy prevention and teen parenting programming), the Alzheimer’s Association, or the charity of your choice.